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Homeworkaholic Justifications
SSar's Beast
I vow never to do that again. Hear me? I VOW.

Friday 16th May: stayed home, went to bed at 4am (not studying or drinking, just had good company)

Saturday: studied, pulled an all-nighter.

Sunday: studied, slept but not restfully.

Monday: Went for a 6am run. called in sick to study. Studied. Handed in Eng 224 on time. Pulled an all-nighter without caffeine.

Tuesday: Went for a 6am run. Went to work. Was told to stay away from people so that they wouldn't catch whatever "cold" was making me look like the walking dead. (Hah.) Left early. My boss gave me her cellphone number, to make it easier for me to call in sick the next day if necessary. Slept.

Wednesday: Went for a 6am run. Studied. Skipped Sci Fi to study. Pulled an all-nighter without caffeine. Almost finished the assignment. Left Murphy 219 at 5:35, went home, dumped my bag, changed into running clothes...

Thursday: Went for a 6am run. Went to work, the plan being that I would type up my final references in my lunch hour as work is 15 mins of stairs from Uni. But again they told me I looked like the shit which had been beaten out of me, so went "home" early. Finished assignment. Handed assignment in.

Thursday POST ASSIGNMENT: Went home, prepared food, put in oven so as to start it cooking when Joel got home. Had a nap. I badly mis-timed the nap - I woke up when it was dark, panicked, started crying hysterically, stayed in bed sobbing for the rest of the evening except when huddled against the wall, calmed down part of the way. Joel and I went to "sleep", except I was still so worked up that I got up, dragged the duvet into the lounge and continued my meltdown. Long after midnight, I made myself some naked pasta, texted Fezz (who sends everyone his love) and finally got some sleep.

Friday: Did not go for run. Went to work, where I was actually productive for the first time this week. (Timesheet for this week - 17 hours of work, 16 hours of sick leave.) The bad part was over.

This was necessary, and I did it. And I never want to do it again. But what makes it hardest is wanting to see it as glorious, wanting to say, "You can put yourself through this much pain - go you!" Making a game out of the hours going by, out of the way your feet just don't lift as high when you walk, smiling ironically at the way you sway and melt sideways in a chair. But when I know I'm crazy, that no one else understands why I'm doing this to myself, that is when it's the worst, because it turns 5am into a truly lonely place.

So here I am just going to say, Well done, SSar. You did it and I'm so proud of you, girl, and you've come out on the other side still fighting. You are crazy but it's a beautiful sort of crazy. I know - and you know - that you can say to yourself "This is going to be tough," and then do the tough thing and keep doing it until it's over. So well done, Morbane.

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