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Life is pain, princess...
SSar's Beast

Reasons to Continue Running

- I will become fitter.
- I will become shapelier (ironically, rather an clumsy word.)
- It's a way to hang out with, and share an interest with, my friends Layne & Mikey.
- Quitting now, for current reasons, is a disappointing thing to do and will lose me some respect from some of my friends.
- It's useful to Layne if I keep running (wholeheartedly) since it provides him with motivation to run.

Reasons to Stop Running

- The gap in fitness levels between me and Layne/Mikey is quite high, which makes most running sessions either very exhausting indeed, or somewhat useless as "exercise" for the boys.
- This fitness gap has some rather demoralising effects. It is difficult to see myself making progress. Nor is the fitness gap going to change overnight, which means that this will continue for some time.
- I can't feel any extra energy or motivation in my life, or physical fitness - I still struggle up stairs behind my friends.
- There is no difference, or a minimal difference, in my appearance. I can't tell any change. And I'm not just stuffing myself with cake.
- Right now I am very anxious about a combination of things including university, money, relationships, and my job. Running could potentially provide an escape; right now it is providing conflict.

What are the benefits of running so far?

- There are hills I couldn't run up before. Now I can. This, at least, is a visible improvement.
- I am learning things about breathing, stretching, and mind games.
- It has allowed me to spend time with some friends.
- I have had the moral righteousness of knowing I'm doing something that's good for me.

I would say that running has allowed me to feel proud of myself, but the my declining attitude about it means pride is not accurate. Plus, there's this little debate I'm having right now. That isn't particularly praiseworthy.

In some ways it's not that I want to stop running, it's that I want to feel generally better and less oppressed, and I can't quit my job, magically create money, magically improve relationships, or withdraw from university.

Which sounds like I'm blaming everything else on my lack of motivation to run. Especially, things I can't or won't change, which is a nice way of saying "I feel like quitting running because of factors outside of my control and also boo hoo."

In some ways this is all histrionics. See you tomorrow at 06:15. I just want to convince myself I want to be there, okay?

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Ok, but remember that I (and others) will support you in whatever you eventually decide to do.

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