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Various things of various imports
SSar's Beast
First: hey, friends-list or reading circle. I have a question for each of you.

If I'm mutual friends with you on LJ, or we're subscribed to each other or have access on Dreamwidth, what sort of interactions are you expecting to have with me? What kinds of things do you think of as basic courtesies, and what kinds of comments or shout-outs or tagging systems do you enjoy seeing (even if you don't expect them)? What works for you?

Feel free to ignore the question, especially if you think things are working for you. But it occurs to me that I employ assumptions in my journaling, and you probably do too, and they may not be the same assumptions.

Second: life news time! I got the job I really wanted. It's in publishing, but it's structured and precise. That makes it the best of both worlds for me. I am excited and hopeful and grateful. However, instead of working 0.5 jobs, as I have for the last year and a half, I will soon be working 1.5 jobs. That means I won't be around very much. Sorry. Then again, given how seldom I update this journal or comment, you may not notice much of a difference.

Third: it's Bad Bang time again. Bad Bang is a series of fandom exchanges and fests based around the idea of creating intentionally terrible fiction and art. I am really tempted to sign up, but I told myself I could sign up to only 6 exchanges this year. On the other hand, one of the ones I promised myself I could sign up to this year isn't going to run... So: I will allow myself to sign up to Bad Bang 4 if I can write one of the stories/chapters on my priority list, and if I have spent 1 hour brainstorming and plotting my Once Upon a Fic story, by Wednesday. Let's see.

Fourth: Not a bad weekend! The very final session of the 33AR LARP campaign is in two weeks, and my co-chef and I spent this evening testing out recipes. In the matter of rice, I concede defeat. I am not good with rice on the best of days, and making a rice dish as part of a meal for 60 people is simply beyond me. Some past attempts have produced hilarious disasters. No more. On the other hand, the parsnip-apple soup will be just fine, the lentil stew was suitably hearty, 20thcenturyvole's muffins were delicious, and I am discovering a new fondness for beetroot.

Oh, and Fifth: We wanted something Joel and Paul and I could all watch together after I lost enthusiasm for The Americans. (I have a lot of respect for The Americans, but I wasn't enjoying it.) We tried The Blacklist, and although Paul and I found James Spader to be sufficient entertainment, we had to admit he carried the thing, and Joel was bored. Now we're on Person of Interest, and enjoying it very much so far. I shall update if asked!

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Congratulations on the new job!

Feel free to ignore the question, especially if you think things are working for you.

This is where I am. :) I like reading your writing, and that's the reason why I've friended you. (Also, you're nice, friendly, and an incredible beta/editor.)

Oh! :) It really makes me smile to hear this from you.

Similarly, I was reading your book reviews for a while. I didn't feel I had anything to contribute, but I enjoyed reading your discussions.

I am glad you know you can call on me as a friend or an editor.

YAY for your new job! I'm so pleased for you!

I don't know about assumptions I made and courtesies I expect re: journaling. I feel like these days I take what I can get because so many people are fairly inactive. My expectations are very few, basically, and definitely not on any particular individual. They're more in line with "I hope at least two people comment on my 'things I'm writing' post," or whatever.

Oh, but I do really appreciate if, when I comment on other people's journal posts, they comment back. Generally if I find they don't, I stop leaving comments. (Not necessarily on fic, that's different, especially since I'm so often commenting to new people I've not talked to before.)

Now you have me curious - what are your assumptions/expected courtesies?

I told myself I could sign up to only 6 exchanges this year.

Heh, I told myself something similar. Early in the year I was having trouble with this, to the point of making a signup or two and then deleting it later - I find this cools the signup fever somewhat - but honestly this year I am so worn out from last year and also from other external life events that I'm barely tempted.

In any case, best of luck with getting things done so that you can sign up for Bad Bang.


Oh, but I do really appreciate if, when I comment on other people's journal posts, they comment back. Generally if I find they don't, I stop leaving comments.

Yeah, I agree.

I also feel like if I have someone on my friends list, I should be able to think of something to say about their posts every now and then. But I don't really mind other people lurking.

Most of the other things I 'expect' aren't based on my journaling experiences, only horror stories from ffa or similar. Like: it should be possible to de-friend someone and have the basic assumption be that the reason was not dramatic - people growing apart, etc. And if someone started posting a tonne of uncut graphic content, I would probably ask them to use cuts and I wouldn't expect them to scream at me. Then again, with LJ quiet these days, the danger is low.

That's interesting that making a sign-up and deleting it works for you. I think I'd feel too worried that I'd lose internet access and stay signed up even though I didn't mean to.

I hope the external life events improve their pacing.

I have no idea about expectations, really ... I mean, not arguing or picking fights or putting me on the defensive, I guess? I've had people on LJ who did that and I eventually retreated into a sort of 'read their journal but don't engage' kind of way, but that's ... really not what we're doing, no? XD

I dunno, I like commenting and interacting and whatever. I know you're super super busy so I don't need you to read all the fic and comment on all the things, so I'm glad to hear from you when I do. :)

Yeah, 'continue to be the same level of low drama as you were when I friended you' seems like a nice standard, if one can get it. :D

Mm, I am busy, but I probably shouldn't use it as an excuse. I could spend more time on LJ if I wanted to. I just mostly choose not to.

I want to read your fic faster /o\ but I am glad you're not fussed about it!

Hmm... I like your posts or I wouldn't friend you. I'm always shocked and flattered at shout-outs and pleased at comments. If you shoutout me, I will always comment if just to say thanks, or I missed the post.

Yeah! And you post a lot about writing at the moment, which I find enjoyable to read even if I don't always have something to contribute.

Comments are a nice bonus, yeah, but I don't really expect people on my friends list to comment on my posts - not regularly, anyway.

I guess I expect a certain amount of reciprocity (unless the relationship is explicitly not about that): you answer my comments on your posts, I coment on your posts and you comment on mine. It doesn't have to be completely equal, like I don't care if I comment on your journal more often than you comment on mine, but if all our interactions are about you? Yeah, I'm going to grow weary of that and probably bail after a while. (General you, btw.)

The two of us are good, though, don't worry.

You should totally sign up for Bad Bang, because I can't. DO IT FOR ME. FOR MEEEEEEEE.

Yeah, one-sided friendship is no fun. I think I'm mostly good with my friends list at the moment, but I suspect that if I did fall into a one-sided pattern, it would be me being neglectful. (Because you can fail to notice that pattern, but talking into a void is a rather clear feeling.)

Aw, why can't you? I guess I can imagine historyfest + Night on Fic Mountain are slated to take up a lot of time already.

Wait, wait, historyfest? What is historyfest? This sounds intriguing!

congrats on your new job!

and obviously, I mostly lurk, and anticipate no shout-outs. ;) but I am always reading!


It's nice to know you're around. Every now and then I check your tumblr, but I find it a bit difficult to navigate - I can never find the previous page button (maybe because I don't have a tumblr?).

Actually, is it okay if I drop you a PM? I had a Yuletide thing I wanted to mention.

I'm pretty lurky on lj these days and don't share a lot of direct fandoms with most of my lj friends, so I guess...if I get annoying/boring, I hope people unfollow instead of quieting seething in social anxiety until they actually hate me. I hope no mutual friends are bitching about me or what I write in thinly veiled ways on anon memes (it's happened before, and I ended up mostly cutting off contact, which was awkward for many reasons). No breaking flock. I try to comment when I read and have something to say and assume others do the same.

If I've known someone well for years and they're feeling the bed to fannish drift away, I appreciate an "it's not you, it's your fandoms" note. Tbh I sometimes regret splitting my fannish and rl journals, because I think my fannish friendships were more long lasting before I did. But these days I'm not rl journaling except via Instagram.

Congratulations on the job! That sounds great, except for the 1.5 jobs part.

Gosh. You sound like you've had a miserable series of events to base potential disasters on. I didn't have it that bad even when yuletide_coal briefly disapproved of me last year.

Right, yeah, no breaking flock is a basic courtesy no one's mentioned so far.

If I've known someone well for years and they're feeling the bed to fannish drift away, I appreciate an "it's not you, it's your fandoms" note.

*nods* For me, that would depend on how well I knew them in the first place. If we were once good friends, a goodbye might be nice. Otherwise, I guess I assume the drift speaks for itself.

Thanks! I start my new job on April 13, and due to my current job's scheduling I get a five-day weekend on Easter, so I can try to get in some Serious Relaxing and catching up on sleep before it starts.

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