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Feast of the Three Kings
SSar's Beast
I was tempted to just post "aaaargh, streeessss" in the middle of today, but the day balanced out all right.

Today is the Feast of the Three Kings, day of trinket cake and mysterious dudes on camels who happen to have cool names. I always liked this day. It's a bit of a grace period; between the first of the year and this day, one can come to terms with a new year having begun. Also, since the Three Kings legendarily brought Jesus presents at this point, I have sometimes used this day as a late deadline by which to find someone a Christmas present.

I have been trying to figure out how I feel about last year. There was a lot of stress. Thirteen months ago, I was reeling from the news that my parents were separating, and that coloured a lot of 2011. Around my friends, I was often apathetic, angry, or manipulative, and at the same time, anxious and scared that my emotional spillage would drive people away. I feel as though I lost ground last year, in being the emotionally competent person I want to be.

April was the cruellest month. Really. If I could erase a third of it, I would.

But I was swept up in wedding planning - both a blessing and a curse, I like to be busy - and that happened. Wedding. Honeymoon. Studying, studying, studying.

I wish I'd written more in this journal last year, because it's a wonderful thing to read about a good day, years later, and it ensures that that's what I remember, rather than tough stuff. 2007, for example, was a tough year too, but when I read back on entries, I get some shots of pure joy. Note to self: write in journal this year.

2011 at least had some achievements. Joel and I said our vows to each other in front of a group of people who seemed entertained, touched, and well fed. I graduated (finally!) I completed a difficult polytechnic course. I learned to go to the gym when I got really angry. My relationships with my parents started to right themselves again.

Oh, and I just wrote 12,000 words of fiction, which delights me. Either I can write or I can't. Challenges seem to help!

I'm job hunting. This is the first year - ever - where I haven't known how it's going to go. Every other year since I could spell, I've had either school or a job or both (no gap year here). Joel provides stability, of course, but it's a bit different. I don't know what to tell myself about this year - except, keep exercising, keep writing, drink less, don't stop learning - because there's nothing to predict about it. Bring it on.

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Good on you! Keep at it :D And best of luck job hunting!

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