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Dutton's 'The Bird of Paradise'
SSar's Beast
Okay, so if we're associated on Facebook, you may have seen the many extracts I have posted from my research novel, Dr William Henry Dutton's The Bird of Paradise. Mostly they're awful.

This, however, is hilarious.

Eugene looked complacently around the little sanctuary which he had got for one dollar ten cents for a week, and made a few notes at the box in the corner by kneeling on the floor from want of elbow-room on the improvised table, till it was getting very late, and he proceeded to wind up the silent and anachronistic clock. He wound up the silent and anachronistic clock, whereupon the strident and greatly alarmed clock flew into a most preposterous tantrum, and made up its mind not to lose a minute in letting the grizzly old party in the top-flat skies know what he had been up to since she went away. What right had he to wind it up? it would just unwind itself at once, and serve him right for his audacity in daring to wind it up; it would never stop unwinding its mainspring and whirring and rattling and jumping and jarring till he would be very glad to leave the room and go and wind up a clock somewhere else out of that. It was out on strike for some time, which any other fool might have known. He told it to shut up: it wouldn't shut up for him and no one like him—he could shut up himself more like: it would do like the bird of Paradise—it would alarm the police. He kept civil for a quarter of an hour. The clock took his civility into consideration and simply stared at him, when he taunted it with having heard that the Christy minstrels had broken bits off its hands for tooth-picks, pipe cleaners, finger-nail and toe-nail scrapers; whereupon the clock disdained to take any notice of his low remarks and treated them with silent contempt. He was a stranger to the clock, and it didn't want to have anything to do with him, so the best thing he could do was to go to bed and leave it alone.

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Well, let that be a lesson. Never go to bed angry... at your clock.

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