Log in

No account? Create an account
Previous Entry Share Next Entry
Writing Meme: "This One Time"
SSar's Beast
This one brought to you by starshone_storm. Title: This One Time; keyword: spelunking.

Version 1
“So why’s it called speLUNKING,” – Joey – “because we’re not in a spee-lunk, we’re in a CAVE.” His voice sawed up and down. Speaking more to get echoes than for anything else.

“Spelunking’s when you’re amateurs,” said Rob. “Caving’s when you’re serious. You’re not serious.” He scrambled up the rock behind Joey.

“Like the difference between being a cowboy and being on a dude ranch,” I said.

“Dude!!” Joey said, like in a movie. “Duuuuude.” Rob snickered. Up ahead, Hohepa’s light moved as he looked back. He knew the caves, he was qualified. Mum had talked him into guiding us. I wondered what he thought of being Rob and Joey’s babysitter.

“Hey, you know who Hohepa reminds me of? Fia from Black Kraken,” Joey told Rob. “All, you know, tough, quiet. ‘Cept when he’s drumming.” Who was he trying to impress? My brother? Or Hohepa?

And now he was picking up a Black Kraken song, drumming lightly on the side of the rock before keening, “This one time... when you meant the way you said my name...” At fourteen, his voice was surprisingly good, and we all stopped to listen. Deep in the earth, a music rumbled back.

Version 2
“You’ll see Dan and Lionel around,” Sue had said when she’d given him his mailbox key. And the Lan family, in the apartment to his right, smiled when he mentioned their names. “Lovely boys,” said Mrs Lan. They kept late hours, he was told, but were always quiet coming in. “Performers,” said Mr Lan. At the drama school, he supposed.

One night there was smothered laughter in the hallway. He’d gone out a little later, walking off insomnia, and there’d been a feather boa lying on the floor. It was gone in the morning. That was typical, he learned – they hushed their voices, they tidied any mess away.

He’d thought brothers, old school friends, but when he finally met them he realised not. They were smoking outside the complex, and held out hands for him to shake when he walked past, but Dan’s other arm was around Lionel.

That one time that they were a little louder, he went out to speak to them. “So what have you been up to,” he said, his voice strange. Lionel looked at Dan, smiled brightly. “Spelunking,” he said. Mud caked their glittering clothes and boots, and even streaked their hair.

  • 1
Love them both!
And I'm now wondering whether I shouldn't try some of the titles again and see what happens...

There's nothing saying you can't take one that someone's given someone else.

I love the first one. The second's twist ending gets me. :D

  • 1