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Fela thrage
SSar's Beast
Had a lovely, quiet weekend. It was just me and Alphie from 9am Friday morning to 5:30pm Sunday night. I cooked, cleaned, attempted (and failed) to fix my kit-set furniture, and wrote an essay. It was actually pretty sweet to have the house to myself. People have to go away so you can welcome them back and tell them you missed them, right?

In my last entry, I said that the way I was behaving meant that I must be super stressed out, I just didn't know it.

I'm debating quitting the optional Beowulf course. I'm not taking this as part of my degree, I'm not taking it for extra credit, I'm sitting in on it only to register that I am eager and willing to continue to study Old English as long as there's anyone around who's willing to teach it.

It's not an easy course. Where most 300-levels just recommend that you spend 15-20 hours a week of work on them, this one requires it. And the further behind you fall, the worse it gets. I have been behind in it since the beginning, and now I'm behind by at least 300 lines of translation and one presentation. Next class is Thursday. I am panicking.

What's worse is that worrying about Beowulf has been causing me to neglect my research essay. Easy to do, since my supervisor for the essay is easy-going, and I've been able to create a slightly false impression of being on top of things. But if I don't start concentrating on this soon, I will be in a lot of trouble by the end of term.

Possibly with a major effort this week (which would almost require staying home from work tomorrow), I could catch up on Beowulf. I don't think, however, I could get ahead. So next week will also involve this dilemma.

When I planned this year, the idea was to live with slightly less stress. To do three courses rather than five; to work sufficient hours to save up for a trip to America and my wedding next year. Beowulf is throwing a wrench in the gears.

It sounds as though I've talked myself out of it already; giving up Beowulf won't really let me down in any way. It might let other people down, though, and that is the part I'm having trouble with. In fact, typing this up, it sounds as if I've already made my decision. And it might be better for me. But I'm going to need a hug, okay?

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(Deleted comment)
Don't let what other people might think stop you from making good decisions for yourself. Give yourself a break on this and put your energy into other things that are higher priority. *hugs*

Thank you. It feels as though I am letting down some principles, but I hope it works out better for me in the end.

That's understandable, but don't be too hard on yourself. Many people wouldn't have even tried, and many others won't be smart enough to evaluate a situation like this and see that the class is depleting instead of nourishing.

*hugs* There's no shame in dropping a paper. It's better to bow out with dignity than fail and be miserable while you do it.

Thank you. Indeed, I guess I'm not helping anyone by straggling along to class and being behind all the time. Better this way.

By the way, I think I texted you to say Layne put Worms on my computer, did you get it? Come get it off me whenever (or I can have it on USB stick for the next time I see you).

No I didn't get it, but I can come get the USB whenever. I don't have a case for my computer so I'm not keen to take it up to Kelburn

Could you bring a USB of your own? It's a little inconvenient to keep lending my USB out, if there's another way.

I don't have one but I can buy one.

Oh, if it's a case of buying one you can definitely borrow mine for a couple of days. I just meant if you already have one, please bring it.

Ohhhh, that's what you meant. As someone with a long history of not admitting that I'm failing horribly until I'm staring at an E on my results, I think it's good to be objective about this, and it sounds like you're doing that. Don't worry that you might be letting people down - they'll want what's best for you.

And, you know. *hugs*

Yeah. What did I sound like I was saying? I must have been confusing.

I, on the other hand, have a history of distracting myself from something stressful by immersing myself in another worthy pursuit. Jobs, for example. I failed a year of Uni courses by working 14-hour days. Here, it sucks because the 'worthy alternative' almost feels more worthy.

Thank you. ^!^

The blooming tea is awesome! thanks Ssar

I'm glad!

I can't give you an ETA on the tea-cosy, though. (And I realise you didn't exactly demand one, but it'll be a fun project for me if I ever get around to it).

I think that on wellness grounds, practicality grounds, and pleasing-your-supervisors grounds, go for the Honours stuff and ditch Beowulf. But that said, I totally, absolutely understand how you are feeling right now - I felt the same way when I realised there was just no way I could study both Psycholinguistics and Latin. It sucks.

Thank you. It has always encouraged me to know that you've gone through this before me, and proved that one can come out the other side emotionally intact! I know I'm letting go of something good, but I want to be kinder to myself.

It sounds like it would be a good decision for you. I don't think you're letting anyone down. *hugs*

Ugh, I completely understand your dilemma! I promised myself next semester I'd drop back down to 3 courses, but if I don't register for this Irish (language) course, there won't be enough people to have it, and it's definitely something I want to support.

However, I don't know if it works the same way in your neck of the woods, but I'm pretty sure that here they'd gauge interest by the number of people who initially enroll, and less by the number of people who actually finish the course? So maybe you've already helped by coming this far and contributing to the numbers, and now you can back out gracefully and mostly guilt-free?

It sounds as if you have it much worse than I do! That's a really difficult choice.

Actually, the Beowulf course is in a very odd position due to departmental politics. Basically, it's been offered to ONE student ONLY, because she forced them to offer it to allow her to complete her major. The rest of us (about five students) are just sitting in to point out to the department that there is still a high degree of interest in the courses they have scrapped. So I'm lucky, in that nothing I do affects whether or not the course continues, and I haven't even paid for it. But I am letting down the team a little.

If you should want to do some intensive essay work and not worry about cooking, cleaning etc- our spare room is always available to you. We wouldn't object if you rocked up, and spent the whole weekend in there without coming out except to eat. I'm sure if Joel was at a loose end, Paul could find things for them both to do.

Fantastic offer!

To be honest, I don't think that would help me study. Home is very convenient - with the Vic library across the road, all of my books on my shelves, and the ability to download large academic articles in PDF format on an internet connection I'm paying for.

But if I ever feel like running away from the world for a night or a weekend, I will remember your offer.

Meanwhile, I hope we'll see each other soon in less extreme circumstances.

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